Next Monday: How does art impact your life? How does it inspire you?

Hey guys,

As you know I have been going through some personal stuff lately. I have received a question for the Friday question of the day! I am really excited to share the answer with you. I am going to post this on Monday as I am not ready to go through what happened this week and I am still not in a posting frame of mind.

I will be fine after the weekend and I promise I will answer this great question and I will give you the updated book list!!!

My question is… how does art impact your life and how does it inspire you?

Book Choice Stephen Hawkins

WidowCranky
www.widowcranky.com

Thank you for your patience guys!

Melissa

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A guest post by Faheem Jackson of Judicious Logic

Why Men Need Time Away With Friends Of His Own They Are Them, We Are Us

For men and women in society, we have not only physically evolved, but mentally evolved into what we are today. We have certain skills sets that set us apart from each other. A couple of which are the physical qualities and the emotional qualities. And for those reasons we must observe how we interact with each other according to what we are as beings, then aim at coming up with a social means of communication. Which is basically saying, first, understand that we are mammals, who look at each other a certain way (could be how we view each other mentally and sexually). Then after that, how do we construct a livable society because then again, we are mammals with a lot of emotions. And when there is pure emotion and no rational thinking, people become problematic.

OUR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

Now when observing how we function in relationships, humans are biologically quite mundane as creatures. It’s the reason why we have to generate so much interest just to keep the other person’s attention. Because to be fully functional in a civilization, and to be interesting all the time is far too much work. It’s the reason why bad boys are so appealing because they deviate from the rest. It’s just that their extra personality typically leans in a more long term destructive way in the relationship. So overall, we are uninteresting creatures, constantly trying to make ourselves interesting to the opposite and same sex. But for the topic at hand, we’re going to discuss men and women’s relationships.

DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW WHAT AGAIN

One main reason I am hesitant in getting married is that people have this notion that everything must be spent with the other person. We must agree on everything, and you have to always be there. Meaning, if we are talking about being together forever, is it really necessary for me to be around 7 days per week, 52 weeks in a year forever or the relationship ends? No, that is a form of control because without that control the one seeking to control feels they lose purpose. That’s why you both need your own friends. Women need her girl time and men need to hang with the fellas. Why, well from a guy’s perspective, here is why he needs guy time outside of you.

1) From what I have noticed, making marriage work is not admitting when you’re wrong
and never going to sleep angry. That generic speech is getting old at this point. Keeping it
together is knowing that when you see your significant other enjoying themselves outside of you, it makes you remember how interesting they are; sometimes you forget and take the relationship for granted.

2) You don’t want him always wanting to be underneath you. What made you interesting
usually in the beginning of a relationship is the idea that you as the woman wasn’t his
everything. Because if you are, the moment you want to enjoy yourself, he’ll want to
hang with you and your friends; a major turnoff.

3) Hopefully he makes friends with other married men who can talk him through marital
situations. Sounds odd because you should talk to your spouse about issues in the
marriage. But sometimes as men, we hear each other with an objective ear better than you as our women. And if those married men have good marriages, he might bring back
whatever he learned into the household. Why, well men like to compete, and no way can
we allow other men to out man us. His marriage is going to work, so is mind because I’m
just as good as him.

4) You’ll sometimes be forced to go look for him, especially if he is having a good time. It
will make the person more attractive because that chase that was initially there in the
beginning still exist. Not being easily accessible can be a turn on to both parties; shows
you’re productive (for the most part).

5) If you guys have kids, they are looking at you two as an example of the relationship they will have one day. They’re watching, and not only from the end of what dad is doing. But how mom interacts with dad. Especially if you have a son; he is making his decisions on what women to date or not from mom and dad’s relationship!

About Faheem Jackson:

I am a native of Wisconsin, now based in New York City. I came to NYC for my MBA at NYIT, and while pursuing got into writing as a hobby. Now I am pursuing it as a career interest since the age 25/26 years old. My writing does not just include my blog, but my two books(The Boy Who Could Talk To God, Faheem Jackson Short Story Collection Vol.1) on paperback and kindle on Amazon, my screenplays, my first short film (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR3htTedb24&t=6s) and uploading my second soon, plus this year I am getting into photography/videography.

 

Thank you Faheem for writing this guest post! You are a very talented writer! I highly recommend everyone check out his blog and other work!! Judicious Logic

Melissa

Personal stuff has come up…

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Hey guys,

Normally on Wednesday I would post about Fitness or Nutrition for you, and that was my plan.  I have a great post in mind for you.  I have had a pretty tough personal issue come up in my life. I am not ready to talk about it, but I am also not in the mind frame to talk about Fitness or Nutrition right now.  I will probably post in a few days. I will tell you all my story once more time has passed.

I am fine all my family and friends are fine and healthy. Nothing like that. Just thought I would give a heads up why I am not posting.

Please go here and post your blog and some links I’d love to read your posts right now.

Melissa

Share your Favorite Blog Post

What was your favorite blog post you wrote? Was it popular? Unpopular?

I need to do some research to better my own writing and discover somethings about myself. I think reading other peoples writings will help me with this. Thank you so much for all your help. This blog and the community around and WordPress has been really fulfilling.

Share links to your blog including;

  • favorite blog post
  • most popular post
  • least popular post

Please give a description of what your blog is about and why you think your post was popular or unpopular?

This will help me out and maybe help you to spread the word about your blog!

Thank you!

Melissa

Divorce Recovery List – A Throwback

While going through my books for The Great Decluttering I found a card tucked into one. It was a list I had made in the heat of divorce. It is all the stuff I wanted to get into to move past the divorce and be my own person. Looking at the list now I see much of the list is what my Dad did when he was going through his divorce. I supposed he was a pretty good role-model to follow out of that stressful time.

  • Scotch
    • Never got into! I still can’t stand the taste.
  • Cigars
    • Tried but no cigar! Haha I do still want to get into a pipe though. I love the smell and it does remind me of my dad.
  • Books
    • Check! I was reading a ton before during and after my divorce
  • Guitar
    • Never happened. I did get a Uke though. I can play the first line or so from Bob Marley’s Three Little Birds.
  • Photography
    • This is still an intention of mine. I have been trying to get back into it. I have offered to take my friends’ family photos so it is just a matter of time.
  • Running
    • Check and Check. I love running. I run trails and roads. I used to sign up for more races but I don’t really do that anymore.
  • Cycling
    • Check again! I love mountain biking. I would love to start road biking or cycle cross. Just expand my horizons a little.
  • Drawing
    •  Boom! I do this one almost every day. Maybe just doodles. But if I sat down to formally draw something I bet I could.
  • Soccer
    • I did this for a while but it started to be too much. I left my soccer team after getting injured 1 too many times.

What a funny list to come across.  Its amazing how we change.  I wonder if I made a list now what it would look like?

How about you?

Its Monday… time for some Reflections

Monday & Tuesday

These were both great days.

Monday I was busy finishing week one’s work for my Health/Life Coach training.  I did some reading, listened to a class, and did a lab with a sweet girl from the program. I am happy to finally be digging in!

Tuesday I spent $97. This was for a ticket to the live event in Pheonix for my Coach Training. It is in April but I wanted to get it on the books now.

Wednesday

I PAID OFF MY 1st CREDIT CARD!!! I paid the final $313 off! The first thing I did with my pay check when I received it was pay this thing off.  My next goal is paying off the second, bigger credit card.

Wednesday night I spent $36 on hand lotion. It is a great hand lotion and even Troy likes it for after climbing. Plus it smells amazing. This isn’t allowed on the shopping ban. I bought it and after I realized I had just broke the ban and was shocked. I didn’t realize you could accidentally buy something and not even think about not being allowed to  shop!

Thursday

I spent another $107 tea. A friend heard a rumor the company we go through and love was going to go out of business. We both ordered our favorites in just in case even though I bought some last week.  We later found out in an email that they aren’t sure now. I am glad I loaded up just in case. My coworkers will tell you, I drink insane amounts of tea all day and my kids will tell you I drink tea all night. Especially with the not drinking alcohol at night. Hot drinks are a great replacement.  I love Yogi tea and yerba from Guayaki but something about local tea. Their main shop cafe already closed it was really sad.

Friday

Thank you thank you thank you! I was really happy and proud last week to answer your question on Friday. I am looking forward to this Friday and answering more questions and sending out more books! I decided to up the amount of questions and books to 3. It could be 2 or 3 depending on how long they are. Please send in your questions!! The shwag I ordered to give you with your books are very cool, I am so proud of it.  I can’t wait to begin offering even better items in the future.  Submit your question for Friday now!! SUBMIT HERE! 

Friday evening my kids and I went out to eat with a good friend and her kids. She and I had two beers each there. After we went to the candy store and got some candy and a gift card for my son’s friend’s birthday. Of course my kids picked out some candy for them selves as well.  I didn’t count this as breaking the shopping ban, it is food and a gift which are allowed.

Later my son went to the birthday party and my other son and I went over to my friends house. We each (NOT THE KIDS lol!) had 3 beers there. Not great for Sober January but I figured I knew Troy was out of town probably partying and I was with my friend who is doing it too. We agreed the point is moderation. We moderated great. I still went to bed at a reasonable hour and was able to wake up with my alarm at 7:30 on Saturday and I felt find and awake.

Saturday

Like I said I had to wake up early for an international skype call. Don’t I sound fancy?  It was a job interview. It went well. I have do some more work and training and another interview and then I might have a nice little side part time job working 5-10 hours a week and weekends. Anything to get this Credit Card and my Truck PAID OFF.

The rest of the day I worked on the computer. I set up a GoFundMe for my son’s school, that really needs some remodeling. If you guys can donate even $1 or even just share the link I would appreciate it!

Saturday afternoon we went back to my girlfriends house so the kids could play. We were going to go on a hike but the kids went out in the back yard and it never happened. That evening we made enchiladas and her boyfriend joined us. We did drink some beers with him.  Nothing crazy but I still feel obligated to disclose that.

spent $12 on spoons. Totally against the shopping ban. We have like 2 regular spoons and a thousand soup spoons. It was driving me crazy. I kept spill tea everywhere in massive tsunamis of tea flying out of the cup every time I tried to stir with an oversized spoon. So I threw a fit, and $12 later we have some spoons on their way to us.

Sunday

Sunday was GREAT.  We climbed in the morning. When we got home I cleaned all day. I decluttered so much!  I TOOK 4 BOXES to the Idaho Youth Ranch.  I cleaned out my pantry, all my cupboards and all my drawers. I made it through all the kitchen stuff and most of the office stuff. I began working on my front room and was able to give a coworker a box full a ton of old gloves, hats, and scarves my kids don’t use anymore.

 

Year of no Shopping:

This week Spent $252

Sober January:

This week drank on 2 occasions

Decluttering:

5 Boxes Donated or Given Away

2 trash bags thrown out

Tons of recycling. My Bin is full!

Raising Girls Self-esteems!

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raise-girls-selfesteems4241jpg.jpgAll women know that no matter how long they take to get ready in the morning… when they get to school or work and go into the bathroom they are going to look awful. Why? Because the lighting is terrible, the mirrors are terrible. The paint is often drab and the stalls are painted an awful off white that reflects onto your face making you look tired and washed out. We often leave the bathroom feeling terrible about ourselves.

Junior High aged girls are at a very sensitive time in their lives. Their self esteems are at an all time low and they are extremely self conscious. When they walk into the bathroom at school and look into the mirror, like all women, it makes them feel awful. When they girls go to class they aren’t feeling happy and confident. They want to hide and feel terrible.

I believe if we remodel North Jr High’s bathrooms or at least one or two… with the proper lighting and mirrors, better paint and a nicer environment, these girls will go back to class feeling good about themselves and confident.

This could raise class morale and participation. No one wants to raise their hand and have everyone look at them when they feel like they look gray, broken out, and tired.

I am not specifically picking on North, at all. This is a great school and I am proud my son goes there. Most buildings are like this. North just happens to be my local Jr High School.

Every penny donated will go to North Jr High in an effort to help them afford to remodel their bathrooms.

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Calculating how much you spend on alcohol a year?

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Thank you for participating in the first Friday Question of the Day!

This gorgeous reader wrote a question in to me last night! What a nick of time life saver! She has asked that I don’t say her name, which I will of course respect.

Thank you for asking your question. I have mailed you your book AND a cool new bookmark!  Wahoo! Trailhead to shwag!

Thank you for choosing, “This House of Sky”.  It is a beautiful story about a boy growing up in Montana. Ivan Doig is a great author. This is one of my Dad’s favorite books and I was so happy when he recommended it to me a few years ago. You will enjoy it.

Anyway on to your question!

Hi Melissa,

Thank you for letting people write in with questions. I have been wondering this for a while but I was worried all my friends would judge me if they found out how much. I worry about my Wine drinking and how much is costs. I was wondering what you did to calculate how much money worth of alcohol you drink a year. Can you help me figure out how much money of wine Im spending in a year and what I should do about it?

Thank you, Thinking About Wine

 

Hey there TAW,

First I want to say thank you so much for writing me and allowing me to post your question on my blog.  I really do appreciate it more than you know!

I would love for you to read the book I am currently reading, A Happier Hour by Rebecca Weller. She is a wonderful writer and writes in a very easy to read style. Her book has resonated very deeply with me.

You are wondering how to calculate about how much you are spending a year in wine. I believe referring to my having mentioned I calculated I believe last year I spent over $5,000 on alcohol.

I (OVER) estimated that I was drinking a 6 pack of beer or a couple cocktails every night. I averaged this to be about $50/week with out going out. I don’t really drink that much every night but I have no idea how much I spend on the weekends going out so I wanted to over estimate somewhere so it would hopefully even out. That equals about $2,600 dollars a year on alcohol just at home. Then I guessed I was spending about $30 a week on alcohol when my kids and I went out to eat during the week. That would be about beer or two every time we went out to dinner during the week. That leaves about $60 a week on Troy and I going out to eat and drink. So I came to around $5000.

Average about how many bottles you think you are drinking a week. If you are like my friend’s that are wine drinkers you probably stick to around the same price range for all your bottles. The formula is very simple. It goes like this;

At home

$10 Bottle of Wine each day of the week = $70

$70 x 52 Weeks = $3,640 on wine at home

Let say you go out once week and have a few glasses of wine. Lets say you spend about $30 every weekend on wine.

$30 + 52 Weeks = $1,500

$3,640 at home + $1,500 on the town= $5,140/year

The calculations are easy if you are willing to just guess. I like to round up with this and my budget. That leaves me some cushion. You might be spending way less depending on the cost of wine you drink and how often you are going. Try skipping even one day, or even one glass per day, this would be reducing the cost of the wine you drink at home per week. Stopping going out to eat are all way to reduce that amount significantly but maybe just reduce the amount of going out monthly and that is still reducing the total at the end of the month.

Quitting for January has been great for me. While I have still had a few drinks on a Saturday the first week and a Friday the second week, I haven’t binged or over drank to the point of being hung over at all. Given its still mid-January I have one drank twice.  The amount of money I’ve saved not drinking is absolutely unbelievable! I paid off my smallest credit card on Wednesday!

Thank you so much for writting in!

Melissa

The whole point of this blog and my life/health coaching is to help people. I am delighted to get to help out, share my love of books and make new friends a long the way.

*I am not a doctor or lawyer! This advice is friends talking and no more than that!

Next Friday…

Still available…

Liberation in the Palm of your Hand by: Pabongka Rinpoche &

A Brief History of Time by: Stephen Hawking

The new selection of books to add to your options include…

Win Books

Email me at trailheadto@gmail.com to send in your questions. (I have no problem linking back to your website or blog if you would like.)

I have decided that I am willing to take on up to three questions a week. That means every week three people get a book!

Email me soon and I will let you know if you were chosen and if your book is still available. I will keep a running list of available books on Win Free Books tab on my menu if you would like to read the excerpts.

Have a great week! Next week keep your eyes open for…

A new page on my website featuring some of my artwork and designs.

A review of the book “Happier Hour”

Schedule changes to my editorial calendar.

A call to action for a male guest blogger to help out with an article regarding male friendships.

I am always open to feed back! Feel free to email me.

Thanks guys!

Brags

rec

January 2018

This is an award for bloggers given by bloggers. Blogs nominated are positive, inspiring, and bring sunshine into the lives of their readers.

The Sunshine Blogger Award

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The Rules:

  • Thank blogger(s) who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog.
  • Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you.
  • Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo in your post and/or on your blog.

The Questions asked for me to answer :

  1. What was your greatest failure and what did you learn from that?
    • My greatest failure was not picking the right thing to go to school for in the first place. I wish instead of photography I would have gone towards journalism or writing or radio or all of them!

  2.  Is blogging your profession or just a hobby?
    • So far just a hobby but I would love to make a it my profession.

  3.  How would you describe your blogging style?
    • Stream of Consciousness? Just kidding. I write how I speak. My blog is geared towards advice and helping others through my own story and experiences.

  4. What is your greatest achievement outside of blogging?
    • My sons.

  5. What do you do in your spare time?
    • I have two sons so we play a lot of games. I also love to run, ski, ride bikes, climb, garden and play outside. I also love to read, write and draw! My blog has become my favorite hobby lately.

  6. What would be your ideal working environment?
    • Being outside!

  7. Who has impacted you most in blogging and how?
    • I would say my 3 closest girlfriends. That have all be extremely supportive. If it weren’t for them I would have never decided to go back to school and get my Coaching certification.

  8. How do you motivate yourself to keep the blog up
    and running?

    • I love to write and I love to help people. I know that if I give up for even one day I will never come back to it. I would love to be able to roll this blog and my Health/Life Coaching business into one beautiful career someday.

  9. Sweet or Savory?
    • Savory

  10. Coffee or Hot Chocolate?
    • Green Tea 🙂

  11. Summer or Winter
    • Both! I love to Ski in the Winter and Mountain Bike in the Summer! I need all the seasons.

 

My Nominees…

  1. sensuality sex and something else
  2. nonalcoholic student
  3. dspersevere
  4. wordy chickcom
  5. irie life
  6. bonsalles art
  7. the nutritious noodle
  8. turn-the-paige
  9. make it ultra psychology
  10. the cheeky cyclist
  11. suburban betty clean and serene

Questions for my Nominees…

  1. How long have you been blogging for? Is this your first blog?
  2. What is your career outside of blogging?
  3. What do you and your friends talk about when you meet up for lunch or coffee or beers?
  4. What is your favorite recipe?
  5. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do with the money?
  6. What is your dream job? What is holding you back?
  7. If you had a party for yourself, almost like a wedding but just for you, what would your colors be? Would there be a theme?
  8. Have you ever been published? Would you share the link?
  9. Will you share a link of your person favorite post blog post written by you or anyone else?
  10. Will you share a link of your most popular and least popular posts on your blog?
  11. Would you want to do a guest post or have someone guest post on your blog?