Unlock the Mind – 20 Minute Stream of Consciousness
I remember the first writing assignment I was giving in Junior High that really got me excited about writing. I don’t actually remember what the assignment was or what the guidelines were. What I do remember is who I wrote the story about and the feeling that it gave me and the visual that I had in my mind while writing it. In fact right now I can see it, sitting on the Superior Chair lift at Bogus Basin Ski Resort. I was probably 13 or 14. I was sitting next to my best friend, Carrie. When I wrote that story the whole story was about her, about our friendship. I don’t remember exactly what I wrote in the story. I don’t remember what she said or did. I just remember I wrote something about her and I skiing. We used to ski together every Saturday day all through 7th and maybe 8th grade as well. She had these really dumb ski poles that I hated because they didn’t have loops to put your wrists through. They had kind of hook things she put her hands through. On the chair lift she would always hang them off the side. Superior Chair went right over the run also called Superior. I will always remember those damn poles because they fell off the chair all the time. She hated skiing moguls and Superior is of course, a moguls run. I am very good at skiing moguls. Oh not very good, I have poor technique and stop a lot, but I can hold my own and have a ton of fun on them. I have to attribute that to Carrie and her dumb silver and blue ski poles.
I started skiing when I was 4 years old. I have murky memories of learning the ‘pizza’ and ‘french fry’ techniques in my ski lessons. As I got older I joined the Jr. High ski club and got to miss school occasionally to ride the bus up to bogus and race. I am a middle of the packer in most of the things I participate in. I will never come home with a trophy but I probably won’t finish last. Well that’s not true either. I have finished last before.
Carrie and I were Sophomores in high school we were some low number like 1 or 2 points away from lettering in track. We were both sprinters. I ran the 100 meter dash, 200 meter dash, and the 200 in the medley. Our Coach decided he would give us our letters but we had to run the mile in districts. Being that I was not in great shape, and yeah I ran but it wasn’t like I trained ever, besides practices… I was not in shape to run a mile at competition speed. Carrie and I did run it. We went out slow and she stayed steady and her pace was even. She made it seem easy. I always felt like I was a better athlete than her so I was perplexed why I was having a hard time hanging on to her. She probably finished 100 meters ahead of me. I finished dead last. Crying and about to puke. Yes from a mile, not a marathon. I received my letter…. and quit track.
I don’t blame my parents for letting me quit things. At that point I was 16 and they let me make that choice. I am a very active adult now. I am in decent shape. I still ski, trail run, rock climb (in a gym), mountain bike, hike… you name it. I am very active. I still can’t help but think what kind of adult I would be if I wasn’t allow to quit things. I think that about this blog even. This isn’t the first blog or website I have started.
I can think of so many projects I have started and stopped. I just let stuff fizzle out. Part of it is my anxiety. I think maybe a touch of OCD lives in there? I get very excited about things in the early stages. Meditation? Ok I am a Buddhist. For 3+ years I did the silent retreats, I took refuge, I read the books. I haven’t been back in probably 2 years. I’m vegetarian. I was vegan. I was RAW vegan. I was on a juice feast. The juice feast lasted 9.5 days. The Raw vegan maybe a month or 2. The vegetarian about 6 and half years. It crumbled away with my marriage that I too let go of. I was a personal trainer, I sold beach body. I let that go. I tried pampered chef for about 1 show. I did the 6 weeks to clean eating with great success the first time and haven’t been able to finish another 6 weeks since. I’ve started Jamie Eason’s 12 week work out plan and can never seem to make it past the first month. I get so excited and drive straight it. It consumes me. I google it. I think about it. I obsess over it. But I always let go. I am determined to not let that happen this time.
Even if my interests change. I hope I can stick with writing. Maybe today this is my Trailhead to financial freedom and decluttering my house. Maybe tomorrow it will be my Trailhead to being a cycle-cross racer or potter. Who knows what the future holds. But I am done quitting. I think it is time to quit quitting. This blog is important to me. I love writing and letting my inner life pour out. While only a couple friends know about this blog, someday I will show it everyone and they will be so delighted that I accomplished something and stuck with it for so long.